Yar mateys, these be dark days for Sinister-Boots, for several reasons.
1) I received a lovely little parchment from the bilge-rats over at Wells Fargo containing a rejection letter, mayhap due to the violent nature of me interview style. This means that I'll continue to have to board on me mother's* ship for a while, which is not very piratey. Yar, the situation be killin' Independent Sinister-Boots (even pirates watch Seinfeld on occasion).
2) I was goin' to show me well-endowed assets off to two good-lookin' gentlemen on two separate date-like occasions, but both were canceled (one in a dastardly manner, and the other due to the weather, which makes the weather not the gentleman dastardly). It appears, me hearties, that Sinister-Boots' love life has been cut off at the knees before it's even been given a chance to get off the ground. And due to her tempestuous and fiery nature, Sinister-Boots needs herself a love life!
3) Apparently Sinister-Boots, while well-endowed both fore and aft, is not so well-endowed in manners of intellect. I piloted four hours north to the cold waters of Upstate NY to pick up the rest of my belongings from the man who was formerly known as Mr. Sinister-Boots. Unfortunately I neglected to bring my key to the apartment with me. Meanwhile, Ex-Mr.-Sinister-Boots is en route to New York City, and my ex-landlords won't pick up their phone. If I were a true pirate I would fearsomely blast in the door, but since I have neither a cannon nor the body weight for such a feat, I am forced to turn tail and slink away in a very un-pirate-like fashion.
'Tis a beauty of a situation, me lads and lasses.
Now I be sittin' in a fancy-pants "coffee house" cryin' into me fancy-pants latte (apparently they don't serve grog in such places), and I be needin' yer help (yar, smart pirates ask for help betimes). What would a pirate do in the situation, keepin' in mind that the destruction of property and the takin' of landlord hostages be not a real option in this case?
Either yer suggestions or an overnight shipment of a cannon would be most welcome!
*Sinister-Boots has given her the name of Fancy-pants Les, unbeknownst to her good self
*Dirty Eliza straightens her patch and goes in search of a key under the doormat*
ReplyDeleteArrrrrrrrrg. No suggestions, just a big hug (sorry if that's not piratey)
ReplyDeleteTo be sure, I've broken down a fair share of doors in me day... but I see your problem here. The trick would be to keep the humor in mind, and make a return trip with the key tied round yer neck and a ship full of supportive crew who can help turn the long ride into an adventure.
ReplyDeleteAs for Wells Fargo... I believe a cannon is absolutely necessary.
You NEED to listen to this NOW! (unless you already know this song, in which case, nevermind)
ReplyDelete(ok, it's a little sadder than I thought it was at first, but the chorus is kinda fun...)
ReplyDeleteSorry for the multitude of comments, but this is more what I was looking for - it's a lovely little story about a pirate who's have a bit of run of bad luck...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO_cwlEWTQ0
Yar, Bmart, the hugs be sissy but sometimes a little sissy just feels good! So thank ye!
ReplyDeleteDarkwater Duff, whar be the link for the first shanty?
Oops. Do pirates say oops?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8jFzmr66RE