Some clarrrrrifications

It has come to my attention that this whole "live like a pirate thing" is a little confusing to us all. What does it MEAN? Well, after a week or so of experimentation, I can sure tell you what it doesn't mean:

1) It doesn't mean I want to talk like a pirate all the time. I mean really, have you tried it? It's exhausting, and I need that energy for other activities such as napping and eating cake. For example, after my last post I slept for three days, due to the extremely high level of pirate-talk involved. That's valuable swashbuckling time lost. I AM hoping to get my pirate-talk stamina up, but these things take a while.

2) It doesn't mean that I will actually be doing illegal activities such as pillaging and, heavens to betsy, raping. Mayhap I will board someone's cubicle by force (yarr) and commandeer their pen, but I think that's pretty much going to be the extent of it. And I'll probably give their pen back the next day with a pretty bow wrapped around it and an effusive note of apology.

So by now you may be saying "without raping and pillaging what's the point, ye lily-livered pansy?"

Well I'll tell you.

The point is to do all the piratey things in your head while the mild-mannered people swirling around you have no idea. They have no idea that their nasty email just placed them on the "to be keelhauled immediately and forthwith" list, and that plans are being made as they speak for the implementing of said nasty death. That handsome bartender over there doesn't know (yet) that you want him to "take a climb in your rigging" (oh but he will, and he will).

While thinking like a pirate, life may just take on a slightly more hilarious air, a sheen of ridiculosity, if you will. It will lose some of its seriousness and gain more swagger. If you carry yourself with panache on the inside, chances are you will also carry yourself with panache on the outside, and by god people will notice.

Plus, pirate-bantering with your pals is really fun. Like, really really fun. Pirate banter may be one of the purest joys of life.

By purest I mean really, really dirty. Just filthy.

And when else in your life can you be so disgustingly filthy and degenerate?

Never.

I think I've made my point, people.