"To be a man or woman of adventure and courage; to be truly ALIVE, to know what fear tastes like and to swallow it-sharp pointy bits and all-this is what it is to have pirattitude."

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Beware...a Sinister Pirate Rant

YAAAAARRRRR! Why start this blog post with such a gutteral, growling rant, you may ask? It's because Sinister-Boots the Well-Endowed has been a poor excuse for a pirate of late, me mateys! She's been locked up in the throes of love, or whatever ye may call the prolonged lusting of one matey for another particular matey.

And where has this gotten her? Why it's turned her into a sissified, whimpering bilge-rat of a wench. No ships have been stormed. No lusty, ale-fueled fights have been fought. No, instead we've all been singing "Your Song" and "The Nearness of You" at our sing-alongs, whilst making eyes at the moon and trailing our fingers in the sparkling water filled with the reflections of stars...

No more, I say! Your rash, ever-tipsy and ever-boisterous captain is back and better than ever. This weekend I will be storming the coast with Pistol Pumps, Blind Betts, and Cutlass Colie (aye, ye'll come lass, and no more talk of this sissy "date night" ye speak of!).

Copious amounts of spirits will be consumed. Many a man will be dealt with lustily. After all we are pirates, are we not?! We do not lie awake nights worrying about one man, when the sea is full of men who dream of pirate wenches such as we. Worrying is for the weak.

We will drink and carouse and do whatever we want and sleep soundly at nights. For we are pirates, and we make no apologies!


Oh, and it's been brought to my attention that the name of our vessel translates to something exceedingly sissy and lubber-ish. Well, it's already been painted on the bow in fancy and bombastic pirate letters, so 'tis too late. But Stormwatcher is in for a real keelhauling, or perhaps, if I keep on this tirade, a marooning even.

Arr, it's been a long time since we've had a good marooning...

1 comment:

  1. Aye, we AHRRRR gonna have a blast... and also catch up on the goings on of the lusting of mateys. (!)